Ideology: It’s all lies.

Ideology includes these little stories that eat away at us. These falsehoods that we have picked up from the dominant culture, that are reflected, though not created, by the media. They are the words that we use to chastise ourselves.

“You are not productive enough”
“You are a bad person for not living up to your potential”
“You do not work hard enough”
“You are a worthless blight on society if you do not have a job”
“You should have achieved a certain career status by your age”
“You can make a difference if only you tried hard enough”
“You could be as rich as them if only you were a better person, if you had the intellect and the motovation”

LIES!!!!

Most of us do not need rulers to tell us what to do, to make us behave in a manner that is advantageous to their class. We just do it. There are no real Kings and Queens anymore anyway, there is a global system, and we all keep it going, not that we have a choice, not that any individual action on out part can change the system. But, we all, to some extent, buy into the ideology that keeps it going, and we suffer under it’s weight.

What even is this blog??

This blog started out as a rant, a rant from a sick person in pain about all the stupid shit around her in the media and our culture. Then it went on a bit of a Marxist tangent, and then took a turn towards a bit of a queer politics.

It has been a while since I have written because I have been ill. Diagnosed with Adrenal Insufficiency (from now on known on this blog as AI) and trying to get my medication levels sorted has been a bit of nightmare. Part of said nightmare has been extreme anxiety (a symptom of AI), leaving me unable to even think about writing without having a panic attack. 3 weeks after upping my SSRI’s and I am feeling a bit better. However, I am having to force myself to write this post. I want to write, I need to keep writing, I don’t want to lose it as a skill, I want to improve, and the only way to do so, is to KEEP WRITING!!!

However, at this point I don’t really have much to say other than #worldisfukt. It is fucked up in so many many ways and it just seems as though it will never be unfucked.  We like to kid ourselves though, we ignore the stats, we ignore what is right in front of us, we ignore the suffering we see because it is just too fucking much to deal with and we have no easy solutions. We pick the easy fights. By we, I mean the privileged middle class feminists who spend their time fighting for diversity on the catwalk, women on boards, same-sex marriage or one of the many number of pet projects that don’t really make a difference. Okay, so they aren’t me, not anymore, but they are my peers. We are distracted by the representation of equality, rather than addressing the fact that the system is fundamentally fucked. We are ignoring the fact that even the very notion of equality under a capitalist system is a fucking joke, and that we need to try to think beyond the ideology, beyond this all pervasive idea that capitalism is the natural order. It isn’t, it is a creation, and we must think beyond it if we are to have any hope at all of living in a world in which people are not enslaved, are not dying of curable diseases, are not literally starving to death.

Okay, that got a bit serious, it isn’t what this blog post was supposed to be about. It is supposed to be about me!!! so rant over. For now, I don’t want to be thinking about how fucked up the world is, I need to relax. So, I will try to focus on something else, probably myself and my own life challenges. Which are rather insignificant the scheme of things, but they are mine, so they are important to me.

I think this blog will turn into a bit of a journal, I’ll try to keep in mind that people may be reading it and try not to too boring and self-involved. But it’s a blog, what are they for if not indulging one’s own inner dialogues and getting all the thoughts out of one’s head. I am going  to try to write something most days. We shall see…

In the meantime, here is picture of the view from the balcony of our apartment in Gosford, NSW, Australia. It is here that, weather permitting, I do most of my reading and writing and thinking, and drinking of coffee, and sipping of wine, and eating of cheese and crackers… you get the idea.

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No Longer Queer

 

Marriage is a cultural relic, a “throw-back”,  if you will. No, I am not just talking about “traditional marriage”,  I am talking about marriage full stop. I am talking about the state having the power to certify certain relationships over others. Actually, not even that, it is the fact that the state has any say at all in our private affairs that is at issue.

I am not going to go into the history of the institution of marriage in the western world, but let’s just say that it is a story about private property rights.  Full Stop. It has nothing whatsoever to do with love so let’s just get that straight to begin with.

Marriage is not some romantic ideal which transcends the historical, the cultural, and the geographical. The very idea of romance and marriage, and even our very concept of love itself, is ideologically driven. An ideology that is not born out of religion, or art, or poetry, but from economic necessity. Let us not be blind to this truth.

So, where does that leave us today in Australia, in 2015?  Well, same-sex marriage is not about love, it is not about equal rights under the law (we have those already) it is about our own insecurities. It is about a community which has seen great change in the last half a century, which, at one time, pushed against the dominant culture, challenged heteronormative, stood up and said “Fuck That”.  However, like many other political and cultural movements, we have been absorbed by the dominant ideology, we now no longer want to push the boundaries,  we no longer fight to change the system, we want to be part of it, and in doing so, we are no longer act as an oppositional force.

By asking for same-sex marriage, by allowing our pride symbols to be co-opt by major financial institutions and by fast food companies and the like, we are capitulating. We are saying that there is no longer a fight, that there is no queer, that we are all the same.  We need to stop, think, realise what has happened, and re-start the fight. If the Queer movement isn’t acting as an oppositional force, then it is no longer queer.

Fuck Colloidal Silver

This may be one of those rather self indulgent posts in which I complain about how crappy I feel because of all sorts of health reasons.
It’s my blog,  so here it goes.
Fuck it,  just fuck fucking fuck it. I have very little control over my body and my mind at the moment. Usual pain levels I can cope with as long as I keep to my pain management routines. However,  add to that prednisone withdrawals and I am just so fucked. Tired,  constantly hungry,  bruises,  hair falling out,  depression and the almost constant feeling of thousands of little tingly electric impulses in my brain,  my teeth and my tongue. Oh it is so much fun!!!
There are a million and one books out there about coping with chronic illness, chronic pain or mental illness,  and you know what? They are as bullshit as the gurus who peddle them.
The aspirational dream of the “wonder cure” for health and self contentment is big business,  it is a product of a market that quite literally exists to steal from vulnerable people and to give out not only bad but dangerous and unscientific advice.

FUCK GURUS!!!
FUCK COLLOIDAL SILVER!!!
FUCK ECHINACEA, CHIROPRACTIC AND AROMATHERAPY!!!

I’m sick, I will continue to be sick,  I know all about what is wrong with me, and the last thing I want is advice about the latest phase in alternative natural homoeopathic claptrap.

STOP SELLING ME SHITE!!!!!!

Contentment?

The longer I have to learn how to be content, the easier it becomes. Youth is tricky. Don’t get me wrong, I am not content with the state of the world, with politics and the appalling injustices we all view on the news each day.  Which is, itself, an extraordinary mindfuck.  We all view the most terrible things everyday, repeatedly, but have no power to stop what we are seeing,  no power to “make a difference”. The psychological affect is real, and, for some, can be paralysing.  We try to find ways to placate our emotions,  we sign the petition, we share the meme,  we wear the ribbon for awareness,  as if we aren’t all already bombarded with over-awareness,  as if millions of people knowing something is a problem can actually lead to a solution.

We do other things too, we stop eating certain foods because we see the animal cruelty that goes into its production, forgetting that in almost everything we consume there is an element of human suffering that has gone into it. We only buy “Australian made” products because it is good for Aussie jobs. Forgetting that the foreign produce that we consume also involves workers whose livelihood would be threatened if we stopped buying the imported can of tomatoes or beans. The world is fucked and we all have to find a way to come to terms with the fact that, as individuals, we are powerless to change the system.

So, where does that leave us when it comes to our mental health? Well, for a start, it isn’t helpful to take personal responsibility for things that are out of its control. It isn’t helpful to feel guilty for the system that we didn’t create and have no choice but to participate in.

It can help to occasionally take a break and turn off the tv. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care.

It also helps to stop having useless arguments on the internet. Some people just aren’t worth your time. By all means have constructive conversations, think, learn, but don’t argue for the sake of it, it’s a waste of energy.

I am not saying that we shouldn’t become involved in our local community, that we shouldn’t help those around us, especially if it provides material assistance to those who need it. Just don’t expect to change the system.

Can we be discontent with the system, but content with ourselves? Perhaps, but only if we stop believing the ideological bullshit that we all have the power to change the world through our individual actions. You don’t have to be a hero. In fact, you do not have the power to be a hero. Our hero culture comes from the ancient Greeks, and they knew that only those with immortal blood had the power to change the world.

“when I grow up, I want to be…”

The question every child is asked by friends, teachers, and relatives.
We are all trained by this very question to believe that we are our career, that our role as a worker is our role in life and that each of us must choose a single career path and that is what we are. When we grow up, rather than being a person, a human being, we will become a job.
This is a problematic and harmful for all concerned, but particularly for those who, for whatever reason, grow up to be a person who sits on the couch in their pyjamas all day eating cheese toasties.  (Okay, so I do other things as well, but I don’t have a job)
The reason is neither here nor there. I am sick of explaining myself in an apologetic manner as to why I have dropped out of the labour market.
My point is that it has made me into a kind of illegitimate person. A person without that crucial identifier, when I meet new people and I am asked what I do, I freeze, I have no acceptable answer and I need to provide an explanation for my life that seems so absurd.
I know fully well that it is bullshit and I have learned, at least rationally, to not to let it bother me.
In a world that is obsessed with  personal identity, that demands that the individual categorise themselves and thereby legitimise their every desire or action from their gender and sexual preference, to their eating habits, I am certainly not lacking in terms to describe myself.
BUT, I am not my labour, I am not my job. If I was, I wouldn’t exist.

A Licence to be queer: A plea to those with money

I recently read a very annoying article  (I won’t Link), that claimed that we should campaign for same-sex marriage “because of the children”.  That a wedding is like buying a first car or a house,  that it is an important memorable right of passage.  PUHHHLEASE!!!
Given that only a small and ever decreasing proportion of the population can actually afford the car, the home and the wedding, should this really be our number one queer rights priority?
Is it really so vital that we put all our funds and time and labour into fighting for the good of the feels of wealthy gays who can afford the nuclear family white picket fence heteronormative dream? Surely not. 
But the campaign funds come from somewhere.
So,  this is a plea,  to those in our community who have money,  to think about what is most important, to think about the young queers who have been chucked out of home, of those who are struggling with meeting their basic material needs, those who desperately need to access free mental health services that don’t even exist!! of those who can’t even afford a piece of wedding cake, let alone the car and the house.
Please, think about it.